I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
i would only ever fuck harry potter if he was on a broomstick.
I knew as soon as I saw that pole that I was going to wake up the next morning with bruises.
Apple trackpads and semen don't mix. On the way to the Apple Store.
I figured out why I insisted on leaving my sweater on the ground outside. I smelled it and I'm 97% sure I peed on it last night
Nm. Exausted and my teeth just fell out again
He only likes me when I'm naked and I don't like being around him clothed. It's the perfect relationship.
my vagradar is going off.. it smells a soldier
Pretty sure I was high. I thought there was music coming out of my makeup bag.
STOP WHATEVER YOU ARE DOING AND GO OUTSIDE RIGHT NOW. THE MOON LOOKS LIKE CATWOMAN
A drawer in my room has nothing but a large feather quill, a wine glass, and a 15" Bowie knife. If you could put my life in a drawer I think that would be it.
I'm going back to his house to watch wreck it Ralp.
Hey, Monsters Inc. got me laid. Disney man, who knew it leads to sex.
You said this was your mistake shot and then vomited on the tv. Never forget.
You were just laying there on the air mattress watching spongebob with a knife. We tried to take it from you, but you insisted it was your emergency escape in case you started to float off.
yeah, last night we handcuffed you and you started crying saying that you weren't a bad person
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