Just think, the more you drink, the more options you'll have of people you want to hook up with.
had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
i rewarded my self with tacobell for not throwing up on any one. MISTAKE
It's like God knew that was my ex's best friend and punished me. I've never vomited that much in my life.
I think I get why guys like boobs so much. I just motorboated myself and it's fun. My boobs feel soft and squishy on my face.
He stopped in the middle of us having sex and asked "is today Monday?" then went even faster
Almost just bought a peacock. I need to get off Craigslist
I just karate chopped a humming bird out of mid air. It came at my face while I was out side smoking. Scared the shit out of me. My ninja skills just took over. Haha. I mean really at that point it was me or him.
In a bar surrounded by couples hooking up. I'm just staring at one. Not drunk enough. Come save me.
PUT YOUR FRESHLY SHAVED MEXICAN POON ON THAT BEARD. NOW.
Do I lose at life if I cry in a grocery store while buying a pregnancy test?
Omg. We have to workout today. I just looked at myself in the mirror and thanked a god I don't believe in for drunken boys and dark rooms.
I just showed this kid my nipples to work my shift tmw
My one night stand asked me out to dinner. When he came to pick me up I got in the back seat. I thought he sent an uber. Awkward.
I just had to explain why I ate a whole quart of mac and cheese before 8am. Not a good start to the day
Randomize
