I want to take things slow emotionally, but fast physically
I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
never thought i'd see a ''climb of shame'' until she came down from the attic in front of the whole party..
i'm on the subway and being revisted by the ghosts of tequilas past.
Shit. We're going to have to drink until they're cute
Hello cirrhosis
I'm a gay man planning my brothers bachelor party, and he choose someone else to be his best man. I hope they like appltinis and gay clubs. Bastard.
There are two types of people in this world I don't trust: people who collect stamps, and people who don't drink
I want to get "Patrick Kane" wasted tonight
I am one hundred percent down for that
Not as much as my roommate, who is in the middle of one of the pictures throwing a lawn chair at a cop car lol.
lesson learned. Never drop acid before a trip to the aquarium. Sounds awesome, is actually terrifying.
Just spilled a coffee mug full of scolding hot oatmeal on my bare dick. Hope you're having a good Friday night too.
I miss the days where our biggest worries were who was gonna win battle shits.
Don't act like you're a victim to marijuana
He told me he was my brother roommate in college after we fucked, but already knew that so I had pretend I didn't know that.. like how I pretended I finished. 2/10
Randomize
