nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
I just threw up a christmastime peep. I am literally already sick of the holidays.
so we have officially lost him as of 7 hours ago.. already called campus security, the drunk tank and the hospital. figure he'll turn up eventually..
i'll start checking the bushes on campus.
Well, both are illegal but one involves my vagina a whole lot less.
The police scanner is talking about you again....
someday when you wake up in a dumpster we'll have to have this conversation again...
just to let ya know we might have to take a stripper snowboardin sometime
I think we can all look back on last night and categorize it under, " reason why Cory can't be left at the bar by himself"
i'm not accepting baked goods from anyone for awhile. especially after the stalker pie.
He seemed like a really nice guy. He tried to dry my shirt because someone spilled their drink on me. I think that's how I ended up topless on his dryer.
It sounds like drunken magic sprinkled w narcotics
you can't let guys come on your chest and then hog my blanket
I should not be allowed to reproduce. The world doesn't need my sarcastic asshole demon spawn in child form
I am beginning to doubt your commitment to my making poor choices tonight
Just filed for child support I hope he gets the paperwork on Father's Day
Randomize
