I was totally willing to let her keep giving me blowjobs as long as she didn't think we were in a relationship.
Just wondering why in an apartment full of stoners there is half a waffle in the TRASH CAN. get ur shit together man
you spent the like half the night trying to figure out the puzzles on the back of the captn crunch box
Just told the nurse I wouldn't get on the scale. Told her to write FAT.
I finally had sex with him last night, but we used a condom so it doesn't add to my number of sexual partners.
There's a high school volleyball camp on campus this summer. I'm definitely going to jail.
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
The one thing I know about living in Vegas is the closest I'll ever come to being a father is singing the theme song from Full House to a garbage can while I eat an entire birthday cake.
I wish I could just hang out in ERs.
I only think it appropriate to apologize for making out with your next boyfriend. It won't happen again.
Honestly I'm not even that excited to see my boyfriend. I'm more excited to see his penis. His penis inside of me.
It has gotten to a point where I just want to sit on his face. Less butterflies, more orgasms.
Let's be honest, I've seen a decent amount of dicks in my life and very few of them have been worth all the trouble.
Kyle passed out in the tub after breaking a glass and shouting, "WHAT ASSHOLE GAVE ME A GLASS?" His girlfriend gave it to him...
Please don't give away my fajitas
Randomize
