Is it awkward that I've slept with every guy in this room?
Only if they know about it too.
My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
sexting on a treadmill. speed 9.0 beat that slut!
dude. FULL moustache. it was like getting head from Tom Selleck
EARTHQUAKE STATUS DRINKING GAME
I swear to Christ if it turns out to be an intervention, i will set you on fire.
DO IT, or I'll send you pictures of my hickey to remind you of your loneliness
I was thinking more like a "sorry you can hear us, but I'm having the best sex of my life" cake
I think the paper my teacher just handed back to me had one of his pubes on it, I'm way too hungover for this
I'm the kind of girl who misses her mouth when trying to eat, do you honestly think I'm coordinated enough to wear heels during sex?
Her weave came out on the dance floor. She was twerking and shaking one minute and her hair flew across the dance floor the next. Great way to be introduced to the family
She said her name is "Goose" and regardless of her being a lesbian, sometimes she just "needs a good dick"
idk i just feel really unsatisfied. like something's missing from my life... maybe it's chicken nuggets...
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
Its nights like last night that make me want to high five my liver.
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