It's a miracle Ok Typing texts toYou right now
I looooooove Saturdays!!!!!!!
I am absolutely hammered
Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
Chicken burrito, or no deal.
Is that code for my vagina?
Who the fuck has ever referred to a vagina as a chicken burrito
Our teacher totally just got outed in class by a speaker from some lesbian cooperative house
I seriously just found a rose petal in my vagina.
I left his apartment Bc I lost my id. Wandered 5 miles barefoot. Got lost in downtown la. My phone died so I asked for directions from a man at the gas station.. Turns out he was a bum. He led me back to the apartment AND he found my id.
It's like the whiskey god was watching over you
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
We smoked a bowl in front of the abortion clinic shouting Obama at the protestors.
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
He has no idea he's waking up in slut palace tomorrow morning
BRING KITTENS I AM A GENIUS
I complemented his smile, he sends me a dick pic. Seriously?
He ran out to tell us that somebody flooded the bathroom, then went back in there fell on his ass and asked why the floor was wet
Hypothetically speaking, if a girl asks you to fuck her wearing only your hockey helmet, is that socially acceptable?
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