i have a strong urge to join the asians in the park doing tai chi. I think im still high .
And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
The things that come out of my body both amaze and disturb me.
Can you put "designated driver" on a resume?
A 21st bday and NYE should be illegal to have in the same week...
There are at least 3.6 billion human cocks in this world. Get some. Get as many as humanly possible. Literally. Do it. 1-2-3 go!
These shoes are way too nice for a walk of shame. Its how I keep myself in line.
Dating Detox Day 5: had to go out and buy new batteries. this may be harder than I thought
Just purchased ketchup, body wash, and lube. Hope you're ready for the post-memorial-day-cookout-shower-anal.
Haha yeah my head's fine..sorry about the dent in your fridge.
so my mom thinks I'm picking you up just to go buy you liquor before you go back to school tomorrow...
I'm ashamed that your mom thinks I haven't already taken care of that.
I'm fucking a man old enough to be my father who is also dating my boss. What have you done with your life?
The first thing we did this morning was see if we could see her barf in the prking lot from the roof. We could. It was in 5 spaces.
He is getting no nudes from me. I don't even care if I'm losing his legal advice.
Randomize
