why doesnt he love me? i have tried everything. i even sang to him after sex.
you have got to be kidding?
shes got a 6th sense for me cheating...the the hailey joel osmound of me getting bjs
Thinking about bringing a vibrator to the tanning bed...kill two birds with one stone right?
You had sex with him even after he literally described himself as a "coldplay guy"? There's a line you just don't cross. There is a line.
You were wasted and fell in a pond when you met him, it's not like you were on top of your game
The poor thing was so drunk they wheeled his motorcycle into the bar. I just dropped him off to pick it up. The best walk of shame ever.
We're making herpes jokes very loudly and hoping she notices.
My costume for the end of the world party was a success. Everyone in the ER thought I was there because I got hit by a car when it was actually from alcohol poisoning.
How is it that I've hooked up with not one but two guys in the children's section of a bookstore tonight?
Here's what I don't understand. How does anyone watch you eat mayo for 12 minutes and then ever fuck you again??
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
I can't tell if you're talking about my pussy or Cape Cod.
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
For full disclosure: I told my roommates last night that you have a very clean asshole.
I don't want to hook up with him sober. That's pretty much like saying I love you.
Randomize
