i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
he only lasted 2 minutes. he said it was because i was so pretty. i'm not sure what to feel right now.
we need 14,000 post its to execute this plan
The only word I understood in that whole setence was semen.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This inappropriate post strip club text brought to you by Cheetah of Palm Beach and vodka. Blowjob in the champagne room and the clap for the low low price of your paycheck.
There's a questionable stain on Harley's bed...would they have sex on a dog bed?
Right, well, that begs the question of where did you get the whip, why are you using it, and why don't you carry one around more often?
I'm sorry and I love you. One day we're going to live in a whore mansion with our babies and make boys cry.
I have reverted to folding laundry while watching porn. how much sadder can my life get?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Relationships are fuckin' work. And you can't just up and leave with no questions when you really just need to get home because you're about to shit your pants.
You're so wise.
You stared at a Swedish dude for like 5 minutes then asked him "shouldn't you be yelling at dragons"
He actually said the words 'I miss you' followed by 'I wanna have sex with your face'. I'd say that's a win.
I was cock-blocked by a swat team last night.
When I told her I was deaf and took my hearing aids out at night to sleep, she said it must be nice not having to hear drunken roommates having awkward sex late at night.
I get dinner and bf perks from the one guy. But dick with no commitment from the other. I’m living my best life.
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