He told me he had an exgf. and didnt follow up with"and now i like guys."
We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.
He's so young, I keep getting a mental image of him in footie pajamas. It's cute but it's wrong. Or is it?
...he tried to burn down someone's house once. ABORT ABORT ABORT
If it makes you feel any better, karma just served me up a big dose of fuck you.
Strip mythology. Everyone wins. Most of all me.
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
He's the stereotypical redneck. He tried to go kayaking during a storm and almost got into a fight when a park ranger tried to stop him
I smell like a skunk, but I'm okay with that.
This day took a left turn at "This is your going away party, I got a bunch of blow."
I just slammed a bottle of white wine before I came to Whole Foods so basically I'm just training to be a middle aged white woman.
Like people our age are getting engaged, and I’m out here spooning with a giant unicorn I bought at Walmart on Black Friday.
Give me a few. Gonna ride the rollercoaster.
The next morning I found her spread eagle asleep on the living room floor and he was asleep with his head in her crotch. I needed a ride and had to wake them up.
There's a pregnant girl taking shots of apple juice
Randomize
