i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
I don't even know what he looks like, all i've seen of him is his dick
the rest of him looks just as crooked
I'm sorry i'm just too high to handle anything besides pirates of the caribbean right now.
imagine playing with puppies while we're drunk.
Like... we could film it and put like, "do you believe in magic" as the backround song and it would be complete joy.
you were making out, puked over his shoulder and insisted everything was okay
Sorry I had passed out by this time I think, with the chicken fingers ON my face in my bed, with all the lights on, and ketchup all over.
It's cute how he thinks we're going to have sex again
Dont even try and act like it wasn't you who made the sex tape of my dogs.
All I know is that we apparently made a drink we named The Single Girl which is rum, vodka, grain alcohol, and sprite and rolled around in the backyard.
I think I reached optimum potential when I summersaulted straight into a kiddie pool.
No, earlier you attempted Jenga with everyones shoes.
Im in his room watching him sleep. Im going to try and jerk off and not get caught by the nurse.
He kept making me pretend I was his personal trainer. When I swallowed his cum he made me pretend I was drinking a protein shake. Thats actually what it tasted like.
I expected better sex from someone with the word CHAOS tattooed above his dick. But on the bright side, he was down to watch a documentary on Honey Badgers afterwards so I guess I'll keep him around.
Well, he hasn't actually seen me naked. Just my boobs... and the left side of my vagina.
So, I've discovered that I'm approximately 70% nicer to my mother when I've had an orgasm in the last 48 hours. It's science.
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