Just bummed a recreational vicodin off my friend's 40 year old boyfriend & am hoovering a breakfast sammy from costco. And I don't have a boyfriend because why?
you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
he saw my boobs and came all over himself... there goes my whole night.
Um I think everyone drunk and there's some douche on violin.
I feel like I owe it to them to wear pants.
HELP A SISTER OUT. AND KEEP YOUR TONGUE OUT OF THE HUMMUS.
TOO HIGH TO FIGURE THIS SHIT OUT
How many stacks you been grindin gangsta?
omg mom no
It's so blood brotha crip what be good
And dildos are 35% off. So. Ya know. Savings.
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
Shouting "one vagina to rule them all" was probably not the best way to meet our best mates fiance
I have a pair of clean panties in my purse. This is having your life together.
I think we need to stage a munchie intervention for Ben. I just watched him use a tortilla as a potholder to dump water out of his ramen.
my underwear is inside out , I have a giant hickie. I'm wearing last nights makeup. this is going to be the best day at work ever
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
Randomize
