I dont remember anything after Tequila & Apple Juice. May have disovered the recipe for mental bleach.
just found more coke in my pocket. i love not washing my jeans after every individual use.
Just because he's a soilder doesn't mean his dick is a hero.
hot buttered vodka was not a success. on any level.
If Dave says he's going to have sex with her, he's going to fuck her retarded and turn her crazy. So run.
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
I woke up and found piles of popcorn in a trail around my house, ending at a laundry basket full of pillows. What were we trying to catch last night?
so I may or may not have had intense sex to mozart's greatest hits on vinyl... I don't know if I should be proud or just really disappointed in my nerdness
You peed in the sink and kept shouting "I'm the black swan! Ca-caw!"
I just did a bump with my mom so I’d sober up for Black Friday shopping
I got so pissed i stormed off and threw his burrito on his windshield
My professor congratulated me on turning my assignment in early. I didn't have the heart to tell him I only passed it in early cause my sex plans got canceled for the night.
I woke up with an eye patch on, someone else's sweatshirt on, and no pants on. I hope it was a good night.
Santi's no longer allowed to buy booze in my lane. Last thing I need is a midlife crisis looking at his Id again.
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