I think i sorta joined a cult last night
An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
She really thought E.D. was a sexually position.
I woke up this morning really drunk with my Christmas lights on and two owls in my bed.
it was a weeks worth of wine for $20. it would have been fiscally irresponsible to not buy it.
I made a drinking game out of watching your DUI video, everytime you say " okay, well thats just your opinion"
you peed off the balcony at your sisters and asked someone below to catch it with a cup
Need to spend sober time with him while fully clothed. I can't decide if he's a seriously amazing man or a complete fucking dickbag.
This is me not judging you for what a fine line you draw between the two.
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
I'm running late...how do you explain period shits to your boss?
She's going to jail in a few weeks but she just got a boyfriend. Yet I'm still single as fuck.
welp,tonight ive reached new levels. by new levels I mean,i showed some guys my boobs for water. on your tab.. the most pointless thing ive ever done. either we should hang out way more,or never again.
What the hell kind of sad excuse for a bottom are you
I just thought that if your brother was ever going to invite me over again, he probably shouldn't catch me fucking you in his bathroom.
Randomize
