I'm playing a drinking game with nyc prep. This will not end well for meeee
Everytime the gay dude pretends he's not gay, drink a cosmo. Everytime the crosseyed girl is crosseyed, kill her
At least you didnt end up topless in a Tina Turner wig singing cabaret tunes
he knocked over the vodka and juice...picks up the cup and says "yes", takes the last sip...doesnt even worry about the mess all over the floor and we continue having sex.
Just woke up to my stoned boyfriend building a shrine around my bare ass. He'll never leave me.
I just want you to know that I hid the weed. Once you find another job, I'll tell you where it is. Happy Hunting, bro.
Do you think that my Facebook profile picture kinda look like im being raped by a 10 foot polar bear ?
New definition for "rock bottom": Waking up in a puddle of your own puke, missing your fake tooth. Then having to dig through said puddle of puke for aforementioned fake tooth. Think it's time I quit partying so hard.
Is this your way of breaking up with me as my wingman?
tanning, a slurpee, and a cigarette. spa day college edition
I have what looks like a rubber stamp mark on my cock from last night that says "Magic Marla Approved" Do we know a Marla?
This girl is wasted dancing to The Final Countdown. She's grinding on a guy who came to the bar in a track jacket and a wife beater
Grateful to be alive soliciting dick pics. Thankful i'm alive for these little things and especially these big ones too.
I knew I wanted to marry her when we got in that bar fight and she full-nelsoned a guy while I worked his kidneys. I knew then we had to breed
Hmmm, well all I'm saying is don't do anything too irrational because you miss him and are blinded by his large penis.
I just timed my pee with a stop watch. From when the main stream started to ended. It was 45.1 seconds. This is the truth trust me.
I really need to stop having sex.. I haven't been able to get a brush through the back of my hair for a good week and a half
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