My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
is it true that cum stays in you for 7 years?
that's gum
so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
This would be a good time for the don't get drunk and bang a married chick pep talk...
When I come over I'm bringing "Socky" the Alcoholism Prevention puppet, today he is going to tell you boys about his FAVORITE word---its called "moderation"
He slow fucked me. Doggy style. On a porch. You never slow fuck doggy style. Its a law. A LAW.
Let's just rave with boners that last for hours
I still can't believe he came down from his hiding place in the tree voluntarily because he didn't want us to have to talk to the cops alone...
She carried my bag of puke down the aisle and the flight attendant wouldn't move the beverage cart so she put the puke bag in the flight attendant's face and said "I have a bag of sickness!" I've never seen a cart move that fast.
You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
I accidentally sent him a snapchat of my boobs and now we're going on a date tomorrow... Could be worse.
Oh you know, the usual. We had a good date, I took her back home, she took off my pants, laughed, and left.
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
he was like tryna hang and chat and I was like dude there's an iguana in this room
No way man ... This is real life. Complete sentences and everything.
Randomize
