I puked a lego.
can you pick up canola oil? she lives by wegmans
who is canola oil?
you're an idiot.
You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
The money is just too good to quit doing it. I'm using the same justification strippers use.
bring the dog... nobody goes to jail with a dog.
thats because you have standards... and i have a thing for guys that give me free drugs.
do you know where my other puke covered boot is
"Grocery shopping" is really just a euphemism for spending $20 on enough frozen food to last 2 weeks and spending the rest of your viable paycheck on alcohol.
Hey do you eat chocolate chip pancakes with bacon in?
DO NOT MAIL ME A PANCAKE
He peed off the roof and then we bonded it was beautiful
10/10 would definitely still fuck you dressed as squirrel
Great. I broke up with him before he could like my selfie, now I'm down a like.
In reference to the club we were headed to our cab driver told us about the time he had sex with a woman on the dance floor there. And what do you know, they're celebrating their 22 marriage anniversary together this year! True love does exist!
Fuck you. You were a total asshole last night.
We will get to that, but can anybody tell me whose fucking socks I am wearing?!
It's a Saturday night and I am in bed with two cats, a bottle of Riesling, and I'm masturbating to Iron Man. I'm great at being 21.
Randomize
