Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
I had a drunk dream I lived on a puppy farm. I hope this dream repeats every night of my life.
In other news I saw a pack of make believe zombies walking down green st.
gotta love wednesdays
The cereal milk was almost black, the bacon was still frozen and the toast was soggy. And that was BEFORE I puked in her lap.
theres a turtle on the table. helping me eat my ramon noodles.
Guys, right now i need a picture of a squirrel, preferably with one of you guys but not necessary.
It's like god made him fantastic at oral to make up for what his mouth does the rest of the time.
Watching him is like watching a star slowly implode
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
I don't think I have face palmed that many times in such a short period. And I've worked tech support.
sorry I called you to cry about the state of the neopets economy
One day, I might be old and married wishing I could bang everyone... and that'll be a problem. So I feel in my heart it's something I need to do.
I just don't know how to say "I want to have sex you with before you graduate" in a classy way
Apparently I told him the people made me order taco bell I didn't even want it. And then proceeded to turn off all the lights and sit at the kitchen table in the dark and told him not to look at me.
My manager is trying to help me find a good career path, and I'm trying to find a professional way to tell him I just wanna smoke and fuck.
Randomize
