Life Lesson Number 76: Masturbating into a sock is useless if there is a hole in it.
Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
now I know why they wanted me to come. apparently gay guys are stripper magnets
Do you think I should make him wait for my responses or do you think sophomore have no concept of time like dogs?
You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
I tried giving you a bj last night and all you could manage was "Haha that tickles" and "in the morning"
It wasn't until like 4 and when we got off the phone you said god was summoning you back into the bar
So I just did the math and everything in this room except the computer and my clothes has been in my vagina
Be proud. All I did last night was roll around in my nun costume selling drugs. I love Halloween.
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
you need a warning label. Just announcing that you are Scottish is seen more as a challenge. Those guys have no idea what they are getting into.
But he's super into Jesus and I'm the devil. So we weren't meant to be
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
i am no longer ashamed when i walk into the dining hall for sunday brunch and i'm greeted with applause for suriving my weekend
How did I end up with the cock ring?!
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