if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
This row in front of you is like duck, duck, goose - but eating disorder, eating disorder, failed eating disorder
Obama just said the words "we're all in this together." I wanted to start singing high school musical
We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
Oh my god. I just RAN OVER a child. Oh my god this isnt my day. That kid was cool as fuck though
All I want to do on Facebook today is comment on people I knew in high schools profile pictures and tell them how much uglier they are now.
I think if wine wasn't a thing I'd give up on life.
Well ill be drunk so just come find me. Its like where in the world is Joey San Diego
Inebriation Olympics: Team Drunk vs Team Stoned. This weekend. It's on.
He told me to take off work and bring a bathing suit. If this doesn't involve six flags hurricane harbor or sex in a hotel pool I'm going to be disappointed.
Next time I take edibles I'm getting chipotle to cater the event
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
I was the only one in group sessions to bring up sex as a stress reliever. Some of those people were awfully judgy despite the fact we were all in a psych ward.
You weren't singing into a microphone in front of an audience. You were screaming into your fist in the check-out aisle in Walmart.
Randomize
