I'm playing wingman, but I want to pull a Goose and die.
I was cleaning up my drunken mess and I found my ID in a cereal box
I think i'm just gonna start shot-gunning everything that comes in can form.
should my penis look like a turkey
He seriously just asked the doctor if taking the medicine for chlamydia was going to cut into his drinking time. Never let it be said that he is not dedicated.
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
Thanks, college. Tonight's decisions brought to you by margs in a nalgene.
Dad was on the deck drinking straight bourbon. He stopped, puked on his feet, and then continued drinking and talking about compound interest.
the good news is that even if it's Alex's, I can still say it's Colin's, because the kid will come out ginger anyway!
who knew there'd be a plus side to your ginger fetish one day?
Your dog took my vibrator out to the yard
Operation: 12 Dick pics of Christmas was a sweeping success, thanks for asking!
Yep that's the face of someone whose dick I would put in my mouth without hesitation
just discovered a semi frightening wound on the side of my head that must have happened last night. if i die of a brain aneurysm, make sure they put "sorry for partying" on my gravestone.
I am 11 times too hungover to give the eulogy
If I hear that song one more time I will drive to hell and make John Lennon eat my ass.
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