his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
I'm going to write a book about John. It's going to be called big dreams, little dick
The bride says you won't want any of the single ladies...
Let's let the open bar be the judge of that.
that's what penises do
they tell lies.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm wearing your poncho, and only your poncho. I'm not getting pulled over like this.
I meant to thank you again for giving up a potential interracial threesome to come to my party. I'm glad you stayed!
Pavlovs bj experiment 2012. Welcome to the program.
My boss just high fived me after finding out i made it through lunch rush rolling on molly. To think this guy used to terify me.
it was like a shit fog rolling out of the east to encompass me and have it's way with me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We broke into the kitchen, stole cooking aprons, and wore them on the dance floor.
I was drunk and gave him my dad's phone number instead because somehow I thought that'd be funny. Man did that fucking backfire
So yeah, turns out I enjoy vaguely public group sex. Who knew?
We just catapulted a jelly bean off of his hard dick into his mouth.......Happy Easter!
I'm like a hairless cat ready to be ravished
A Valium induced mom decided to walk into my bedroom this morning without knocking. Guess what I was doing? FML
Randomize