hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
she's just sitting in a corner ripping all of the filters off her menthols
The football player sitting in front of me just googled himself. Only 4 articles came up. That's why he plays at Utah State.
I'm actually glad you're quitting. Now there's one less person at work who's seen me naked.
I just found cold cuts in the blender. You and beefeater can no longer have unsupervised parties.
I kno. She bruised her chin trying to swim thru the hardwood floor.
You were Q-tipping mashed potatoes out of your ear.
So on how many levels of wrong is it that I'm reconsidering my divorce simply because I don't want to go through getting used to shitting around someone again.
but you must be fair and judge his penis by normal penis standards and not let your vision be clouded by the rare gem of a penis you have recently encountered
His penis without viagra is what breaks my heart.
When are you not under some influence?
Since last Tuesday...yesterday.
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
But you put your finger in my ass and the rest is history
Oh man. I threw up in the first cab. Got kicked out. Roamed somewhere for awhile. Fell asleep in the back if the second cab. Woke up in my underwear on the living room floor with a frozen pizza (thawed) laying next to me
Randomize
