if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
just got my girl scout cookies. wanna get high?
do to the flooding of the park, there will be a midnight bikini mud wrestling party behind my dorm. all are welcome.
i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
Def regretting not writing "will blow for extra credit" on my last final
come back what if one of your parents walks in and im just sitting here eating a cheesesteak without you
I couldn't help thinking that my sock monkey was judging me
Hey.. there are 2 people i've never met before spooning in the bathtub. Please elaborate on what went down last night.
So what's today's forecast for the female rollercoaster you've been riding?
who's job is it to make sure we don't run out of tp since the incident of 09'... Thats right you go get some
You want to complain about your sex life to me? Right now mine consists of trying to masturbate lightly enough not to wake her up with bed shakes. Go. Fuck. Yourself.
A duck just looked me in the eye whilst I peed in a lake. I feel so dirty.
We fired a shoe out of a medieval cannon. I know not where we got either one.
Had a vaginal orgasm. I feel like I made sex my bitch.
I'm studying. I have a really exciting life lol
It's hard to say that sarcastically after having sex in a movie theater
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