All of his creepy stalker friends want you too
I'm too hungover for some lady to talk to me about potatoes
She made a guy cry in the bar. I will have her, oh yes, I will have her..
As im putting my laundry in the machine, i find a solo cup and a pong ball that i signed babe ruth
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
They're putting plan B in vending machines now. My life just got so much easier.
GLITTER SLIP N SLIDE MUTHAFUCKAH~
I just used crown royal bags as pot holders...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think my ph in my vagina is actually off from the lack of sex I've had this break compared to finals week.
I JUST WANTED TO GET SOME MOTHER FUCKING TACOS I AM SINGLE AS FUCK TACOS BRING PREOPLE TOGETHER OKAY
I feel like I'm in high school again. I'm completely sober and I just gave some guy a handjob to completion.
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
Yep, you're going to hell.
I take on this great possibility with a beer in one hand and the girl I'm gonna fuck later in the other
i told her we had a class about unicorns together. i'd say it was a good night
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