So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
): 100 percent naked, unless you count a tiara as clothing.
Approach what situation? Look, I dunno if you think I'm like some lezbo cheetah waitin in some shrubs to pounce on you the second I see you, but I'm not!
well, everyone in my office is getting a nice laugh right now. But seriously... please delete my number
That taco smell coming from your belly button was a huge turnoff
Guy next to me at the plasma center is high and watching porn on his itouch. I am wayy to hung over for this level of poor.
You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
In the middle of getting a blow job, she looked up at me and said "this isn't the first time I've done this today"
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
The entire defensive line took care if me when I passed out. One of them even held my hair when I puked and the other carried me upstairs to bed. God I love football so much more now
It took 6 cruisers to bust the party last night. Cop asked if the theme was a beach party. I said I would fucking hope so with 8 tons of sand in the garage
Dude you chased a girl around the yard and then fell over the curb. Face first. You got up on your own tho so you reached champion status
Full disclosure. I fucked the fatty from work and shit is weird now.
Listen you let me know what you're doing after drinking rum punch all morning
i wasnt sure i had a crush on her until i woke up this morning and saw i had googled fifteen variations of "lesbian marriage in estonia". where the fuck is estonia
Theres about 23 grilled cheese sandwiches stuck to my ceiling and tomato soup all over the kitchen. You are never allowed over again. Ever.
Randomize
