Fuck their fairy tale bullshit. I shall ruin it. With a few thrusts of my cock.
Whenever I miss you I just turn on Tool Academy
The look your mother gives you when she sees you masterbating on web cam is unlike any I've seen before, but this is a case where, I would say, ignorance is bliss.
The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
just snorted lines off a mancala board. I'm destined to win this game.
just had to sit in the middle of an aisle in stop and shop because we're too hungover and needed to take a break.
don't worry i just saved a song to my personal usb drive to give to the dj at the bar. he's playing old school jlo whether he likes it or not.
I dont know if you relize this but ive been high ly medicated in my room for a whil now. GOing out into the real world would make me li ke tom ha nks. im not ready to be tom hanks..
This taco party has no tacos, just a hot asian guy in booty shorts. We were lied to.
I just dropped a paperclip into my cleavage while talking to the company president... That's an awkward moment.
Did you at least offer to let him get it out??
It just makes me feel nauseous. And I don't want to feel nauseous when all I really want is to get off.
A dude just looked at me like my drunk swaying was corrupting his progeny DUDE YOUR KID HAS A MULLET YOU'VE ALREADY RUINED HIM
Now in listening to Jerome Bettis speak at the hall of fame and my boner just started twirling a terrible towel
Update: the condoms are expired and Canadians are NOT to be trusted!
She was blowing me like a porn star and all I could think was "you just told me your grandfather is dying in hospice right now"
Randomize
