ok i'm going to motor boat your sister now. ttyl
I totally understand Scottish logic. No underwear+skirt=great
Remember the girl passed out in front of my fireplace?
This guy in a neck brace is ordering bottle service at the strip club. Not sure whether to applaud his commitment or scorn his addiction. It's a draw.
Why would I send you a picture of it when I could just steal the gnome and put it in your bed with you? Admit it, he looks just like gnomeo!
Well who could blame her. I would run away from me if I could.
We should probably go now, otherwise the whores will descend.
A big toe in my vag is not foreplay.
How much more is Amanda Bynes going to rip out our hearts?!?!?
we told the drug dealer that our car was dead and we needed a jump so he would bring the drugs to us...
my new game is to try to use the phrase "explosion in your mouth". as much as possible on tinder.
In other news I think my vagina is sunburnt
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
You know what would have been funny if we got arrested last night? The inventory search of the lock box:\n\nContents:\n1 work ID\n1 33 round Glock magazine\n1 set of keys\n1 vibrator\n2 bags fruit snacks\n1 parking hang tag
Ur creepiness is now affecting my life and I'm not okay with it
Randomize
