Tell me why I go to the dollar store for nail polish remover and a ghetto black dude trys to hit on me in the parking lot, then he gets in line behind me with a dousche bag literally and that is his only purchase.
Really? You have stories that rival having a threesome with the two best friends of the guy your kinda seeing? Thats impressive.
I may or may not have melted a dent into the top of my minifridge with my hot glue gun, which I left on for the past couple hours unsupervised, while we were on our salvo/savers excursion. Welcome to Halloween in college.
you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
no today was horrible, i woke up and somebody slit my car tire and left an apology letter in my wiper that said "sorry wrong house"
It was the gentlest way I could hit on a girl who just got hit by a car
Just made a coke joke and literally drooled on myself. How do we feel about pavlov's theory of conditioning now?
Do you think she's aware of my deep hatred or should I set her hair on fire in her sleep?
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
Even completely stoned shes amazing on the piano. There are like 7 people sitting on the ground listening to her like she's the messiah.
I told her I was dressed as a gag reflex judge.....she won, literally hands down.
Yeah he drove 30 minutes at 3 AM to come fuck me in my neighbors treehouse
I'm sitting here with a heating pad and a fan on me eating snow caps off of my boobs
Good news y'all just straight up snorted 2 adderall and I'm not a real being on this plane of existence anymore and I'm ready for finals
I told him to take his man panties off and take the fucking Jaeger bomb already, so no to a 2nd date
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