U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
she's bipolar. she literally has TWO facebook pages. one for each personality. this. bitch. is. crazy.
theres a difference between trying to make someone happy and letting them fuck you in the ass
So high I started crying because I was proud of Snoop Dogg for becoming Snoop Lion
I just pulled the nickels from earlier out of my bra in class. The guy next to me is either terrified or intrigued.
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
Just cried to my husband about how much I'm going to miss my boyfriend... Maybe marriage is going to work for me after all
Woke up this morning with Nerf Bullets stuck to everything in my house and nut in my belly button. What exactly happened last night?
A man can only lie in bed watching COPS for so long before he wants to do things that can lead him to starring on the show.
Okay so how much boob would you consider inappropriate for smart casual?
I have no idea what happened last night, but my pee is neon green.
Google Maps needs to have a hungover setting. That bitch talks too loud and all I want is breakfast tacos & a bloody fucking mary.
I'm literally trapped as the little spoon on a mattress on the floor of an unfinished basement with a professional athlete snoring in my hair
Randomize
