i just woke up i smell like fire, i have bruises on both knees and one elbow, i have a lighter and nip of smirnoff blueberry in my bed, rug burn on one hip and about 12 pics of you and me on my camera-this needs to stop happening
yea ive got to shower which is going to be painful given the skin burns from the blowup obstacle course races last night
Yes, I fucked her, no she wasn't that loose, yes she caused more drama than a 14 year old girl
Did we both pass out talking about cake last night?
I think I'm going to wait until after Halloween to call off the wedding. No need to ruin my favorite holiday.
u r missing out we r watching a tranny direct traffic in a gstring
Just talked a homeless guy out of suicide. Was rewarded with a garbage bag full of mountain dew bottles and zannies. Im such a good person
I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
Check 'smoke weed with our ihop waiter' off of our To-Do List
I told her I was going to sleep early last night. I probably should not have sent that snapchat of us playing beer pong.
I'm tired of the topic. I sent him a pic of my vagina to change it.
Hydrocodon makes you feel like a fairy made out of pudding
I managed all three standard threesome configurations a female-bodied person can achieve in just under nine years. I want to high-five everyone involved, but I've lost touch with a couple of them
It's gonna be me and some oreos tonight. Basically like sex
Turns out dignity is priceless and Plan B costs $41.09
He had me sit on his face until I begged him to stop, then held me there 5 minutes longer. I rested my head on his chest, told him I needed time to recover....and slept for 6 hours. By the time I woke, he was already at work. I just sent him a countdown times until his shift is over.
Randomize
