Microwave minutes are longer than normal minutes.
Contrary to what peaches says, you can't fuck the pain away. Full story later. Have a good morning, buddy.
when i went to the store to buy my pregnancy test they were giving carnations to all the moms and they gave me one and said "just in case"
THERE ARE ENTIRELY TOO MANY HOT UNDERAGE GIRLS HERE FOR THIS TO REMAIN LEGAL.
He only likes me when I'm naked and I don't like being around him clothed. It's the perfect relationship.
i knew as soon as i met you that i was gonna be the designated driver
I wrapped my scarf around his head and then made him go down on me
And I also said, "probe me"
fuck it. from now on whatever room i wake up in, i'm stealing clothes from. this walk of shame shit is too much without pants
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
is there any kind of "im boning my neighbor and he happens to be a manager at walmart" discount that our new relationship entitles me to??
I've literally NEVER been on a date or gotten through one episode of netflix without having sex like I JUST WANT TO WATCH TRUE DETECTIVE
he went to the bathroom at 5am only to come back and squeeze my boob before going back to sleep
I know it's wrong but I'm human. Now get over here, tie me up, feed me pizza and Fuck the crazy out of me. Please.
Did that sound smart? Cuz beneath the boozy exterior beats the heart of a fucking scientist.
Can you see if my straightener is in your refrigerator?
Yes. Its here..
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