All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
She is only going home with him in hopes to give him herpes. She has been plotting some master revenge since 7th grade.
New policy: when a woman uses the word blowjob in a sentence within 5 minutes of meeting her, you buy her a drink.
Still in Rome. Hooked up with frat boy from SoCal that's studying abroad. He said he was 1/8 italian. I'll take it.
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
how many people can say they bit their tattoo off?
I just want a man to crawl into my bed with me and never crawl out. Anti socialism at his best.
He should just accept that I want his dick and his friendship. Can't he understand that I don't do emotions?
My mom just called hysterical. She and her sister found my dead grandma's vibrator.
The apple don't fall far from that tree.
Would it be weird to bake him a cake that says "sorry I peed on your bed"?
Stop leaving buckets of wine at my house.
I saw an episode of cops that had one of my ex husbands on it.
I'm still questioning who dropped me off last night. So successful wedding?
He came so fast i dont think he got it all the way in. He apologized and gave me his favorite baseball card.
Quit giving me a hard time, whens the last time you got head every night? Cougars are where its at they dont play games
Randomize
