And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
hanging on that rope, lady gaga looks exactly like a used tampon
all i know is that if they can hide that much blood in her outfit, they definitely could have hid a penis
Olympics start in one day, that gives us 24hrs to think of gold medal worthy drinking games
Want to come to my BBQ and Blow party?
Just look for the house with the beer knights.
you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
You kno how some people just need a "everything will be alright" pat on the back? I need an "everything will be alright" blowjob right now. Come over
Hey, so, you were my "one phone call" last night... Thanks for not picking up. See, this is why I never call you.
So how exactly do I backtrack from motorboating and ass grabbing?
Well you were already wet from trying to drink straight from the faucet, so I just put you in the bathtub with a pillow and called it a night
I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver.
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
Nothing says "Happy New Year" like having to shit into a plastic bag.
I'm eating ice cream out of my purse
Just bought 2 liters of wine and frozen waffles for dinner. Is this 30?
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