I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
she met some random, took his vcard, peed in his bed, left, and then requested him as her boyfriend on facebook
She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
for me the strap perfect is like a chastity belt
morning after pill = breakfast in bed
we walked in to her beating him with a broom while he was trying to sweep ramen into a box. there were packing peanuts everywhere.
He told me he loved me mid lick. Anyone that can look at me from that angle, lick my vagina, and say they love me must absolutely mean it
I don’t know what's weirder; the fact that I weigh more with an erection..or the fact that I actually weighed myself with an erection...
I'm wearing too many socks to be ok with this.
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
He bought the 12 pack of condoms. I take that as a sign of serious commitment.
Oh wow and I have a bunch of portable wine glasses called to go coffee cups
Are we gonna talk about that cunnilingus snap
my favorite part of this morning was sitting at the gynecologist smelling like cigarettes and wearing yesterday's clothes.
Danny put 5 hr energy in the jungle juice (that brilliant bastard) and I almost showed my penis to Alex. It was a rough night.
Randomize
