I'm going to listen to christmas music to trick my body into cooling off.
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
You see.... Im at the point in my life where pissing in a toilet is a luxury for me
I totally just potholed and almost crashed while trying to lick salsa off my boob.
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I dont think that yelling at the medic "Christmas is gone, fuck off santa" was the best idea when you couldnt feel your legs.
Dude I woke up in her bed wearing a top hat and bunny slippers and noticed one of us had pissed in bed. The last thing I wanted to ask for was a ride home
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
No kiss but I got free McDonald's so at least we can focus on what is really important here
I feel like I spent all day wearing underpants made entirely of poison ivy and sandpaper
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Yes. Life would be much easier if we had penises & could do whatever the fuck we want.
I want a dick in my left hand and a Crunch Wrap Supreme in my right hand.
You kept telling everyone that you were as sober as a camel. I have yet to figure out what that means
all i remember is arguing with the chick that yahoo was better than google
all you were doing was yelling YAHOOOOO in her face
so i won
And he put his penis in my face and I back handed it away.
And it only took a fake engagement ring, a condom and a bowl of weed
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