I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
sometimes i really wish you were a nugget.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
today i learned why jack sparrow loved rum so fucking much
What's the point of having 3 fuck buddies when their periods all seem to sync up
How did you even find out?
Because you came up to me and said "I just fucked in the bathroom."
Oh.
Last time he went to Europe, every time he started drinking he would wake up in a different country with no memory. There is no way he can be tour leader.
Just try not to burn your pubes off with sparklers this year.
No promises
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We hooked up with 2 friends last night as always and she stole their fucking cocaine and I just had to drive to their house and make her give it back to him hahshshahahah only me
I tolerate his mediocre drunk sex for the mind blowing morning sex. More than worth it.
My fuck buddy just proposed... Correct me if I'm wrong, but doesn't that completely defeat the purpose of FRIENDS with benefits?
Now you can be friends with Insurance Benefits.
I'm not kidding, he literally jumped in the red panda exhibit. I knew this was gonna be a good birthday.
They weren't kidding when they said "Go Army Strong." Best sex I ever had.
the walk of shame isn't very shameful when your mom tells you she's proud of you.
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