just saw my sister at the strip club... dont think she's "taking a night class over the summer"
Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
Medical school killed my enjoyment of porn. Hard to keep a boner when you're diagnosing all the actor's STDs and skin disorders.
Every time I remember you're bi, the world gets a little brighter.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
im afraid if i stop breathing i will turn into a porcupine
Dude squirt doesnt even begin to describe it i thought she was the lost portal to atlantis with how much she let out
My liver just had a heart attack.
he just sat there, in the doorway of my dorm room, chuggin a fifth like nobodys buisness.. don't know whether to fuck him or be afraid of his confidence
Oh FYI, people asked how/why I met you and I didn't want to say "drunk at a party on an air mattress" so I made a story up. It was a very cute and charming story with no alcohol.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We won't have time to talk.. I'll be rolling you a blunt and you'll be getting naked.
which one of you assholes put my new jeans down the garbage disposal?!
You were so proud of your stupid "magic trick" but all you did was piss on the couch. don't talk to me for a few days.
Literally just had a girl put her street name into my phone. Yeah.
He tripped and fell all the way to the ground and then stood right back with out spilling a drop of his 3/4 full glass of rum and coke. It was like watching something from the matrix
I was stuffing my face while buying a brownie and coffee and some kid I fucked came up behind me and said. Someone's hungry.
Randomize