your life is more of a joke than dina lohan.
if you\'re going to compare me please pick the classy one. Michael Lohan.
so tomorrow. i'm thinking coinstar then adderall?
i thought i was the drunkest one there til some girl puked in the tip jar.
youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer
No, he's fine. He only wanted to know why there were traffic pylons in the living room and how the peanut butter got on the ceiling.
I am at 2.05 miles in under 11 minutes. So either this thing is broke or I should always work out wasted.
I would rather deep fry my own cock while it's still attached to me than have his life.
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
I'm in a dress, surrounded by Republicans, and the bartender just told me he's "out of Jack Daniels" in a very accusatory tone. Shit, is it only 8 PM?
There will always be a place in my black heart for him because he gave me my first sex-induced orgasm. While you slept on the bunk above.
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
Had to decide between a hook up at the train restroom or getting to work on time #growingup
I'm just gonna put on a documentary and throw up
He and I tag each other in memes all day. You could say it's getting pretty serious.
I feel like my toilet water looks different when outsiders use my bathroom...
Are you high right now?
HOW DID YOU KNOW!
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