similar to the time we made up the game of screaming at the top of our lungs any time a guy any of us slept with walked into the party. that went over SO well.
the girl next to me at the bar JUST looked down at her vagina and said "im going to get you fed". if i come home alone tonight...i give you permission to cut off my penis
It's okay, I climbed on the roof of the bar to get my shoe back. This may become a Saturday tradition. I'll keep you updated
Its official, drinking for 15 hours counts as a suicide attempt
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
She said if her future children dont have blue eyes she wont love them
Apparently we stole a dog last night. I woke up and it was just staring at me. But we fed it left over KFC for breakfast so it's cool.
Reasonably certain my seventh grade teacher is encouraging me to drop acid on twitter
I'm drunk from drinking bourbon out of a "cupcake sippy cup" at the Denny's bar. What the fuck happened to the goals I had?
I'm drinking with a guy who apparently blew my dog sitter.
The comfort of this onesie is keeping me single
That isn't the worst part. It got a bazillion times more awkward when he read me a poem he wrote about his dead cat.
On my way to return shoes I bought so that I can afford to buy a pregnancy test. Is this adulthood?
How did i get home and why am i wearing someone elses shorts?
1. Not sure how 2. You showed up naked, we had to dress you.
He just peed in the cab. I repeat..IN.
Randomize
