Who has a tranny cab driver? I have a tranny cab driver.
She has HUUUUUUUGE nipples
You got so drunk you kept singing the Sailor Moon theme song and kept making everyone call you Sailor Venus.
Used tampon in my purse. That from you?
You seriously looked at the house acorss the street and implied that you thought they had nice Easters.
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
Did you seriously take investment advice from our coke dealer?
I figured, if I'm going to wear a gold cape its pretty safe to assume I'll be blacking out as well.
The best part about this city is obvious. Someone saw me crouching by a bar pissing in my leftover Panera bread bowl and they just winked.
So who was trying to make it rain last night in the bathroom? There are pieces of dollar bill everywhere
This is worse then when all the pharmacists sang me happy birthday while I was buying plan b
You pole danced in your parka.
2 girls slept in my bed with me. 3 more girls slept on a mattress on my floor. The furthest I got was cuddling. Here's my man card.
It's rum buckets o'clock
I fucking hate them. They came over and sat on me and made out. On top of me. Who the fuck does that?
Randomize
