You just left with that feminine looking guy you kept calling "Jessica." Just giving the heads up.
there's a lady drinking out of a red cup in class. HAPPY FRIDAY
The bar I'm at just passed out smores to everyone. I don't know what it has to do with cinco de mayo but I'm down.
Call 911 I'm faking my own death so this fat chick leaves my room
Well when you're drinking tequila mixed with water out of a steve Austin cup I really don't think acquiring a straw is your main priority
well considering we left the bathroom with the mirror off the wall, a bloody nose, and clothes all messed up they assume im just a coke whore now..
The salesman looked at me like I was crazy when I explained the need for a headboard that had slats so I could handcuff people to it
Nothing will ever prepare you for the moment when you are sitting on your friends bathroom floor with no pants on eating string cheese & pita at 2am.
He walked into the pizza shop... Pulled the fire alarm.. And proceeded to dance to it...
Prop 8 repealed and I FINALLY got my period. Good day for America!!!
I woke up with $140 in twenties in my bra and have never been more puzzled.
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
I POOPED CONFETTI TOO. Ingested unacceptable amount of it oh my god can I die from this?
I should be in a better mood, I just went home and had a quickie on my lunch break.
I had a sandwich.
I just found an old slice of LIME in my wallet?????????
Randomize
