I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
he's super hid and wouldn't leave us alone so i snatched his phone and started texting lovelink (thanks for a well-timed commercial) that will cost him money. muhahaha
I'm such a slut...i kept having sex with him after he called me his ex gf's name. I just felt like i deserved something out of it too.
True friendship; bangin a girl to get ur friends hat back
Like if Robert Downey Jr. and Kiefer Sutherland got together for a bender, that's how drunk I want us to be.
I just discovered cum stains from two different guys on my wall. I don't know whether to be proud or horrified.
you cant just puke in an arbys and not order food. thatd be rude.
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
Here is your half hour reminder. Meet you at emergency room.
Dude. That Grinch had his priorities right when he was worried that there might be a cash bar at that town celebration.
Speeding home on my break at work because I forgot to grab my Percocets that I have because getting through work sober's too hard
Curing hangovers with more alcohol was a great idea for the first five days
he's such a nice guy...he deserves a bigger dick.
You know it's a bad cold when sneezing feels better than orgasming...
She ripped her shorts off and yelled "VAGINA TIME!"
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