Just sold all of my pants in order to buy tonight's whiskey. Goodbye, high functioning alcoholism. Hello, Dad.
why didn't we just drop out of school years ago and become dominatrix bitches who beat men?
I don't know but we should still do that
If she's telling you consent laws theres probably a reason
I just ate four packages of Swiss Rolls. Being high and on food stamps is AHmazing.
Do you know who the random guy who just walked in to kiss me goodnight is?
Me either. I want to get 'chase a stray cat through the neighborhood in my hooker heels' drunk. And it's your birthday, so you have to get 'best friend holding your hair while you puke in the bar bathroom and cry about your life' drunk. In a feather boa.
Apparently i asked the cab driver how much the ride was going to cost, (he said about $25) then i offered him 50 to let me drive the cab...
Yeahhh, apparently my brothers think its ok not to check on me if a creeper is talking to me bc i "like those weirdo types"
We smoked a bowl in front of the abortion clinic shouting Obama at the protestors.
Let's go. I'm waiting for my time to shine among the stars of never never land. Make sure you bring my Peter Pan costume this time. Shit's bout to get real glittery.
I just had sex with the kid I walked next to at my first holy communion
He still want's to kick my ass for fucking his sister, probably a bad idea to leave the bar with his ex...
So i woke up on a park bench... Using my shoe as a pillow, cuddling a empty handle of vodka... Yet I'm still in my living room. Someone please tell me why all my vodkas gone? I'll deal with the park bench situation at a later time.
I just revenge puked in his shoes. This is gonna be a fun night :)
It’s amazing such a big dick belongs to such a boring guy
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