How was Slumdog? Did it pull your heartstrings?
It was entertaining. Better than most other Mexican films.
First rule of pills: If you can't remember what it is, take half.
Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
He lasted like 30 seconds. With a condom. I just expected more from the president of a frat.
I walked in on him cutting a hole in the condom.
You couldn't hold yourhead up but you managed to unzip my zipper. That's skill..
He pocket texted me while I was blowing him in the car...What are the odds?
Considering how often you blow him,high.
I made mike pull over so I could lay in the grass. He made me get up cuz I looked dead and people were passing. It was like 6:30am.
He broke hus nose arm jousting with the traffic cones... We need to make head shots illegal or get helmets or something
Strip clubs just aren't as fun when a man tries to drunkenly grind on you.
you know that moment when all the alcohol kicks in and suddenly you realize the bar is very loud and you just want to bite someone sexy and ride their face i am kinda at that moment
alright well Taco Bell Closes at 12 so you better pray to god she's asleep by then or I'm running in your house butt ass naked with a bag of tacos
I had sex with a mask on because I have the flu and I didn't want to get him sick.
the funny thing was, all i remember was a liter of vodka and going to oneonta for the night. then 2 weeks later bam, i get a letter banning me from campus for the next 4 years. awesome convorsation with my dad to wake up to.
At some point you said you just wanted to get laid, so we had a moment of silence for your dead sex life...
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