i think my tv is drunk
I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
he asked me to eat out his asshole. after five minutes of uncomfortable staring i realized he was serious.
we just pregamed for our presentation... gotta love group bonding
and i had to drink on "never have i ever unsuccessfully tried to seduce a virgin ginger"
she told me i tasted like america
you looked up at me mid puke with tears in your eyes and asked to make sure no one took your turn at Wii
I doubt were getting our security deposit back... the toilet just fell off the wall
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
If you're in the liquor store 5 minutes before close, and you have to ask the cashier for a coin to flip to make a life decision because "vodka takes you to a bad place," you need to reevaluate your life.
Here you are just trying to masturbate and I'm talking to you like your an initiate for some secret society.
I just almost caught my floor on fire, then decided I could put it out with my knuckles! So I'm doing good!
Let's play another riveting game of "Whose boxers are hanging on my fence?"
And some neighbor just saw me naked and hunched over a bag of potato chips stuffing my face. Maybe clothes aren't a bad idea.
Dude I just woke up naked on the floor with my dick in a boot. Legit in a fucking boot. I also have no idea where I am.
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