You're my favorite asian/girl I've met here.
You're ridiculous
Your hot
i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
I can't ever handle being "that girl" again. At least not until next semester.
chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
U owe me five dollars for that paper towel you bet i wouldnt eat last night
So essentially hes paying me $150k/year for the rest of his career to not have sex
SERIOUSLY? WTF! why cant I find a super hot, super gay, super conservative christian NFL player in need of a beard?
Close. The correct answer is shitting in a public toilet. We also would have accepted the pit of despair.
animal crackers drenched in taco bell mild sauce... surprisingly delightful
breakfast of champions
breakfast of stoners
I swear 95% of pictures on my phone are from drunken nights I don't remember with me doing a peace sign alone in somebody's bedroom.
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
So note to self oboe reeds soaked in Apple Rubinoff sound GREAT.
Tbh.. I hope he still watches our sex tapes so he can be reminded of what he's missing out
They don't really make a "hey I'm fucking your ex wife" card do they ?
Flirting with/getting ready to possibly sleep with a married HS classmate and getting added to a bible study group chat within minutes of each other. #Balance
Randomize
