I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
So that's a yes to the cocaine usage and a no to the rollerblading
one more question, do you know why i woke up with 5 pounds of quarters, nickels and dimes in my pocket?
oh my god. my mom just found my pipe. she thought it was a dildo.
like i said, there should be a sitcom about your family.
Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
ask me if i forgot to go to a midterm today
All I've consumed over the last couple days is Vanilla Coke, semen, and Coors. I don't think today will be any different.
We ran out of wine so we are trying the absinthe you brought over from Spain like 3 years ago. Please call me at noon tomorrow. If we die, its your fault
I LEAVE YOU TWO ALONE FOR 45 MINUTES AND ALL MY WHIPPED CREAM AND CONDOMS ARE GONE
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
I'm stuck in a tree and request your assistance ASAP
I'm not gonna ask the guy I've fucked like 3 times if he is insecure about his eyebrows.
I just woke up in his bed.. in a cardboard castle, with a Justin Bieber poster on the ceiling staring down at me, cuddling with 4 empty PBR cans. I win.
Is it weird that I was turned on when he told me he had a vasectomy?
I knew you two would hit it off
I call bullshit
Call it what ever you want I just need to figure out how to get permanent marker off my cock
Randomize
