Yea. I think between making the bride puke, feeling up the maid of honor, and sleeping with a bridesmaid. I did my part.
is there a legit reason for the weird voicemail I got at 2:14am?all I could make out was 'help me' 'two hours' and 'toilet butt'. wtf did u drink.
Don't worry we will all be making bad decisions soon
That's the most comforting thing I've heard in months
Sean getting laid is an anomaly, Sean banging the hottest single girl at the wedding is a fucking unicorn being ridden by a leprechaun walking through mordor.
On a better note: I'm on pace for 730 female produced orgasms in 2013.
I was walking around the party holding a dog on my shoulder like it was a parrot
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
They've taken all the lighthearted fun out of S&M.
Went to put my shoe on and asked myself why I left a sock in it. I didn't. Needless to say I found our used condom.
11:30 you texted me saying he was on his way. 11:37 you said, "Oh my God that was terrible."
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
this is a mass text: the cage has been opened. repeat, the cage has been opened. a search party will be organized. you are all sloppy bitches. that is all.
so on the street and some kid is chanting "cheeseburger, cheeseburger, cheeseburger!" while pumping his fist in the air. i agree.
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
Randomize
