My liver just broke up with me...
grinding to god bless the USA? really?
shut up
Define "chronic" masturbator.
i know he has to tuck it when he gets excited in public and all, but now he is just starting to show off.
id like to point out that while i was just peeing a condom fell out of my vag.
I really want to title the album "I want to make sex with your face" but I also want a job someday. Temptations, temptations.
I was passed out on the dog bed yelling "I UNDERSTAND"
Haha...we lost by one cup to a guy w shitty facial hair. What makes me most mad abt the loss is that I could grow a better beard on my vag.
I planned on emotionally scarring him for life this weekend. DAMN YOU PERIOD!
no we have a special triathlon I'm entering us in. drinking, fucking, and sleeping. I think we have a good shot.
I keeping finding meatballs in random places
Woke up and took my pants off only to realize that I was wearing my shirt from last night as my underwear
He just said Bill Nye is just a dude. If I ever considered sleeping with him, I never will now.
Sundays were made for eating Ramen pantless in bed.
Day drunk. He was sitting in the back seat, opened the door, leaned out, and peed right there in the dutch bros drive through. No one even noticed haha
Randomize
