I had to fart so bad so i let it go hoping it would be quiet, it was loud and shit came out!!! and i couldnt leave because her parents were behind me
I wanna fuck padma even more now that she's preggers. Is that sick?
Yes but- 100% agreed
I feel like this is going to result in some sort of tearing in my vagina.
Thats a chance were just gonna have to take
It feels kinda weird thanking you for sucking my dick, but I just don't know what else to do right now
I'm so hungover I literally am considering drinking from the fishtank to avoid getting out of bed.
anyone who texts me today gets a complimentary picture of my mangled foot. starting with you.
ewwwww wtf when you left last night you were fine?
I told the emergency room nurse I didn't want to stop and ruin the moment. She said safewords are there for a reason. Super condescending. Got her number though.
Turns out it's a fake number.
I accidentally left my shirt at my booty calls house. He washed it & hung it up for me in his closet. I can't decide if that's sweet or creepy
It's a sad day when you're not really phased by the McChicken video only because you've seen weirder porn.
Right in the middle of our simultaneous orgasms, he shouted "HAPPY NEW YEAR" ruining the intimacy
I've slapped too many boys and done too many naked laps for it only to be 10:30pm
I never thought my gollum impression would lead to me getting laid.
Huzzah!
Just a little drinking. So much fun and love. The world is a shiny wonderful sphere in the sky so why shouldn't we celebrate?
Just spilled beer all over my bed. Should cut myself off, but instead I just took my shirt off and used it as a towel.
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
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