I want the hot one, scratch that. anyone.
Hi, I just found this phone under my seat at a brewers game and seeing as you're entered in as 'fillllatio' I figured I'd ask you if you know the illiterate ass who owns this phone. Thanks :)
Just drove past a church with a sign near it that said, "God wants to be your daddy."
His bookmark is a piece of toilet paper. No shame there.
we've had sex 4 times and he still refers to me as 'the chick in my chem class'
my 3 favorite things in life are tequila, dicks, and making sandwiches. that DOES NOT make me a bad person.
yeah, i found the sharpie that everyone use to sign my tits last night. its dead.
You said that about some fat chick sitting on the base of a lamp post and puking. Downright heroic.
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
Shame?!? Shame only comes from getting naked in front of strangers and it not being awesome
He literally poured blue Gatorade on me after we had sex and said "good game" all over my white sheets
His dog ate the vibrator. The WHOLE vibrator. We spend the morning after trying to make it vomit up the battery. Why does this always happen to me?
if it makes you feel any better you looked really comfortable while you were sleepin in the closet, atleast according to the pictures i woke up with on my phone
Thanks for not letting me get involved with a serial killer. That's true friendship
His mom knocked on the door during morning sex because we were being too loud...now i have to meet her for the first time
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