I'm pretty sure I left my reasoning skills at home last night, and just brought anger and rage with me.
let's just say, the carpet matched the drapes. in colour and length.
I haven't been this sober since birth.
you convinced me to pee myself because I was wearing dark jeans.
We Started drinking at 8am and left the bar around 11pm....I hate ALL green things
No, he attached a coozie to his crutches so he can carry his beer around the party.
Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
I don't care how many kiddie pools are in our house. One is too many.
I really wish I had added "blowjob on a slide at a playground" to my bucket list before last night.
she cried into her fur with two handfuls of money- she was the physical manifestation of white girl problems
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
I wish I was there to have sex with you on the plane to lessen your anxiety.
That's the nicest thing anyone has over said to you.
im drinking out of a pineapple, so yea.
WHO TURNS DOWNA FRESHLY WAXED VAGINA IN A MAIDS COSTUME LITERALLY LAYING IN YOUR BED
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
Randomize
