Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
i would only ever fuck harry potter if he was on a broomstick.
walking on campus just saw the exact moment some kids life got ruined
he's on the phone and just starts going "FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCKKKKK", then follows it with "Are you sure your pregnant?"... made my day
I seriously think my heart may fail. And I didn't even grab a toilet beer :(
Yes he was puking but in the only light of the whole parking lot and he was resting in the patch of clovers and he just was a garden fairy
Just realized Ive had sex in or around each thing listed in Green Eggs and Ham besides the fox.
Am I really in your phone as Asshole Jesus??
I felt that there wouldn't be enough planB and forgiveness to go around
I just traded ecstasy for trapeze lessons...you in?
Is it bad that I want a job purely so I can buy drugs with without feeling like I am sacrificing my future?
Why do you think I have a job?
I remember yelling at him telling him that the strippers were "nice people."
Why do I always have at least 8 men with whom I am conducting some sort of poorly planned love experiment?
At 10 PM you were shit faced in the kitchen makin nachos... Naked. I wasn't sure what to do besides walk away...
Well, let me first tell you that jack and cokes were ONE FUCKING DOLLAR.. It's like the club wanted me to make poor choices.
Randomize
