dude, I'm watching paul blart mall cop. I have better things to do than listen to you whine about your recent divorce.
Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
he's dressed up as spiderman, i don't understand why he's crying.
you have a wonderful penis attached to someone I'm having a lot of problems with right now
The next time i black out make sure i remove the ping pong balls from my weave. Especially before my first day of classes.
I think we should go through the tsa checkpoint with raging hardons when we go through LAX. I think we should pass out some viagra to everyone
You were on shrooms and "the trees are crazy green!" is all you could manage.
Occasionally I curse my inner 15 year old when I'm fulfilling their dreams as a slut, but I roll with it.
All i really remember is meeting this guy dressed as jesus and i kept taking his wine and saying "the body of christ!"
I also woke up in my friends room to 3 girls and a naked boy on the floor but thats besides the point
Alright if I email the police department asking for my mug shot do you think they will email it to me
That was the first time I ever heard of a female getting road head while driving... thanks for the memory and making me happy ending..
That isn't the worst part. It got a bazillion times more awkward when he read me a poem he wrote about his dead cat.
On another note, I almost lost one side of my fake butt. Dancing the wobble with the fake butt isn't recommend.
Like I wasn't going to make out with the hot Australian sitting next to me at the Portland blazer game?
I woke up under a house in Key West
Randomize
