my best friend tried to rape me with a pineapple
how soon is too soon after the break-up to ask for my condoms back?
is not sure whether or not everyone at the club last night calling me a-easy is a good thing?
you were so high that you made a 14 page PowerPoint on why Santa would beat Peter pan in a fight.
and I must say, you were very persuasive
Look on the bright side, you can mark 'beastiality' off your bucket list
you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
A man in denim coveralls just shotgunned a beer on the dance floor
My wedding band has saved me from at least four cases of herpes tonight.
You are mentally unprepared to be exposed to my degree of perversion.
Ok John needs to move to the other side of the county. I do not like to be approached for a blow job in the produce section of Holiday Market.
Made a pinky promise to a lesbian on crack in WeHo. No one knows what I promised
Well, I woke up on a roll-away, with a knot in the back of my head and penis confetti stuck to me. Also, I apparently literally gave the shirt off my back right before I passed out, so I was topless. Vegas won this trip.
Any man who can do squats while fucking you is a man worth keeping.
1) break up with him. 2) feel bad. 3) fuck some other guy. 4) feel better. Boom! Life plan. You're welcome.
I forget how to act sober
Randomize
