I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
writing the newer testament. It's the 3rd for the series. I'll update u the rule changes later.
i can tell by the sound of your bed that he isnt that good at sex.
He won't talk to me. He'll only communicate using scissors
I know I said that I'd stop dating 20 year olds... but at least this one's not my student...
I may have broken a few toes and my face hurts. I do know that I pissed the bed so at least I've got some closure there
I am not sure which is more amazing; The fact that she offered me sex, beer AND nachos, or that she can properly use a semi-colon at her current blood alcohol level.
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
That man deserves a slow clap... He defied the power of the vagina
TOUCH YOURSELF. DO IT.
I don't think that's how you're supposed to sext
I want this pizza in and around my mouth forever..
I think if I send him enough nudes, he will buy my plane ticket.
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
I'm sorry I couldn't bail you out, apparenty they dont take credit cards over the phone. Did you at least make any friends in jail?
condom fairy costume came in handy...we were making out in my living room and he wanted it so i took a condom off the costume and we did it right there...with my tutu still on....
Randomize
