my vag is so smooth its legendary
he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
hey quick question, what would you consider to be a "first date" porn?
I woke up alone at my apt. On the floor with the door wide open, but still. Success.
I'm a little nervous about this St. Patty's Day party. Seriously, we're still finding stuff from the Halloween party.
Just come back with most of your limbs...and your dick. Please and thank you
I assume it was your influence that had me go from DD to waking up out on the deck with one eyebrow shaved off??
Did you hear me? I HAVE THE CONTENTS OF AN NBA PLAYER'S CONDOM IN MY BEDROOM TRASHCAN!! This shit is potentially worth millions of dollars to a fertile young female who is ovulating. How do I sell it fast??
I liked a picture of him with his pants around his ankles, if that doesn't say I'm into you, I don't know what does.
He is dust bro dust in the wind I waited in this unlocked car long enough.
Enough talk of my burning loins. How is your day?
Is there a hallmark card for "could you please slide the FUCK out of my DMs"....?
Had to lock my cat in the bathroom so I could masturbate in peace.
Did you see her happy birthday to emily on facebook? The gist of it is like: hey emily you almost died at birth im glad you didn't. love mom.
My mom said "I saw the signs you guys were high, so I made the spaghetti"....so ya, I'd say she definitely knew
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