i just found my sim card.....i hid it in my tylenol bottle....i guess to ensure i would find it mid-hangover
my life is in even more shambles than last time, mcdonalds is closed
I just got home. Seriously all I remember is taking out my contacts and putting your balls in my mouth.
do to the flooding of the park, there will be a midnight bikini mud wrestling party behind my dorm. all are welcome.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I woke up covered in blue paint and my knee bleeding, when I went to return the shopping cart the guy in the elevator laughed hysterically. I'm having a good morning.
Ohh man do you know how awkward it is to keep eye contact and have a normal conversation with someone while their hand is in your vagina?
I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
she vomitted in her champagne, said "fuck it, it's new years", and continued drinking.
You showed them your nipple for dollars for the jukebox. You were depressed because only one of your songs played. Oh then you twisted your ankle and blamed it on your mad stripper skills.
No shame in my game.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is there a polite way to say "Sorry for your head injury but I still want to hook up"?
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
Me and some girl at the bar just high fived for not wearing bras
Have you ever drank bourbon in your underwear while wearing a Santa hat and reflecting on the decisions of your life? Asking for a friend.
Lynn just told me "I heard about your divorce. Condoms or morning pill your choice and I'm buying". Sorry but I got plans now bro.
Sorry, I didn't know he was with you. The ongoing collapse of Trump has me horny as hell.
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