You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
Sarah Palin just quit. Happy Independence day!
God Bless America!
I am choosing my outfit based on how fast I can get it off. Please help.
He asked me if I "almost moaned"
Got a basket, 50 condoms, some candy, 100 plastic eggs & my bunny costume. Campus will feel my wrath in 2 weeks
its like she was born with a silver dick in her mouth
i just called. the lady was really nice. something tells me my schools clinic gets a lot of calls about chlamydia
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
you're no funn. i shall go consult my friend vodka on this matter.
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
I changed his name in my phone to "Irrelevant" last night. Not changing it back.
was that the third sophomore you've banged this week?
third one in three days
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
just blew him in the library. I am a classy dame
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