i just google searched "what time does taco bell open"
Best news ive heard all week. The cougars r coming! The cougars are coming!
FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
You know those creepy dolls that look like they are watching you from anywhere in the room? It was like that, but with his penis...
I just realized, I'm going to be on my period for the end of the world. FUCK.
cool, get new shit, I dnt want the same old if it's my last drink ever
The world isn't ending you idiot. I'll grab beer
Told her my spirit animal was the spread eagle. Now that's my name in her phone.
Just lectured your brother about using condoms when hooking up with girls he meets online. I should be a fucking life coach
Drinking a grey goose and water in a random chair that I found by the road by myself
So there's that.
my only goal for the semester is never go to my wednesday class sober
I tried to suck your dick underwater and almost drowned
What is your friends name that I hooked up with? ....I think j found his credit card under my bed
It isn't about the beer pong. It is about the destruction of the patriarchy.
I'm actually on the verge of cancelling a booty call because I have an early meeting tomorrow. If this is what adulthood is going to be like, I'll pass.
Randomize
