weak ass sauce last night. waste of time. you suck. ps. your boobs are fake
My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
walking in back of a girl wearing booty shorts, a halter and a bracelet that says trainwreck. I don't get it. The first day of nice weather and all the whores come out, are they like hibernating bears or something?
Hey bro, did you ever hear from the background investigator that i was supposed to bang?
deryk tried to steal your screen door and i think sam and brent are duct taping lauren to the diving board.
Just spent 15 minutes trying to save the life of a fruit fly that dive-bombed my coffee. I figured it doesn't make sense to let two souls die in this place...
they still hired me even though my background check came back with a warrent for my arrest.
For future reference, Twizzlers CAN leave welts.
I have no idea what those words in that order meant, but if you go to Florida send me pics of strippers
She sent me a pic wearing only my batman cape. She stole my cape dude!
The first guy I ever sexted is having a baby.. Is this what adulthood feels like?
don't judge but I think I'm gonna go fuck a dad this weekend
How do I explain to work that I woke up in my underwear on a trampoline and that I'm not coming in?
I don't care how many things you caught on fire, it's still not as bad as doing coke and then filming yourself having sex.
But I think I successfully seduced her with my alias.
Randomize
