Come over? It's my birthday
How many times has that text failed you tonight?
I can't believe they didnt cut us off after we all hugged each other and started singing "were the 3 best friends that anybody could have" RIGHT IN FRONT of the bar and bartender...
I transported a midget tonight. He got beat up by another, midgetier midget. Is it bad that this is what makes me feel compassion after 15 years of being a paramedic?
Midgetier?
Smaller, yet meaner.
No Robbie is the name of a kid or dog, not an adult man who's fucking you.
gymnastic barn sex. fuck i wish i hadn't blacked out
They invented a new game at work. Its called guess if I'm baked, hungover, drunk, or some combination of the three. Its surprisingly very difficult..
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
watching spice world high feels so wrong yet so right
I can't decide which is better: the sex, or remembering that I have ice cream in the freezer after he left
I'm going to become fluent in fucking Belgian boys
Someone keeps hanging up bible verse posters in the bathroom stall I masturbate in at work.
It's wednesday. OF COURSE HE'S DRUNK.
Oh man I knew I took that Molly too soon, talkin to some Scottish people lol but don’t like rollin in pizza restaurants.
i asked her if she was sure that she was ready to do it and she replied with "come at me bro"
I put on a face mask and masturbated for an hour... my face now has a green tint
Randomize
