Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
Sometimes i look at the biltmore estate and wonder just how small George Vanderbilt's penis was...
So I had to explain to her that pussy doesn't mean a cat
He told me all about his plan for proposing to his girlfriend as pillow talk.
I hope that he knows just because i pissed in his bed doesn't mean were together.
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
She just tagged pictures of you wrapped in the "above the influence banner" like a toga.
Every time I get scared about the fact that I'm falling for him I remember that he juggles and is hung like a mastadon and everything is a-ok.
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
THERE IS A VIDEO OF DMX SINGING RUDOLPH THE RED NOSE REINDEER
I'm officially in the Christmas spirit
Why did I just find out you and Andrew had sex right next to my face when I passed out on the beach?
At the time it seemed romantic and its also extremely frowned down upon to leave a passed out person by themselves in an unfamiliar place.
Why did I wake up by myself then?
Tequila Tuesday.. tonight is the night I defeat the liquor.
I have class at 8:30 and I am not bailing you out of the drunk tank again.
I will most likely miss you the least and fondly remember you as Mr. "I need a minute" but really need 24 hours and 4 extra inches.
I'm not gonna plow a chick in front of her 14 year old brother....
Are we allowed to ho on the roof?
Randomize
