Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
I need a booty call who doesn't know my boyfriend or my friends.
Can you get arrested or in trouble for punching a dead relative in a casket?
Good ideas don't start with we have a bottle of vodka..
He violated my cat. I was not impressed.
apparently they wrote a song entitled "butt slut" about her... im thinking shes not girlfriend material.
Already puke and ralleyd and dressed like a bear.
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
i yelled at him for a little and we ended up fucking in a random tennis court.
there is literally a full grown man stuck between the radiator and her bed. i thought i kicked him out 20 minutes ago but nope we found him
Who would've thought that Monopoly night would've ended with some girl peeing on the couch.
He offered to buy me free breakfast if I stayed at the hotel overnight with him. I then realized they have a complimentary breakfast.
6 pack came off in the shower. Sharpie is not forever.
And then before we had sex he was quoting space jam to me
My chance to home wreck was right in front of me and I didn’t grab it by the balls
Randomize
