just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
I got to stop making out with my boss at work. I think we should just get it overwith, be dissaponted and move on.
Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
STOP acting like a freshman, you have a drivers liscence now AND a PERSCRIPTION for birth control. Dont give all sophmores a bad name. Woman Up
CNN just did a special on how to do heroin safely.. I recorded it for us
I swear to god I'm going to hunt down and stab the next telemarketer that calls from a blocked number while I'm waiting for my STD results...
i jus dunped the rest of my drink down the sink and tool my bra off. pretty sure this is the best decision for everybody.
I'd just like to inform all involved that walking into a liquor store holding a milk crate at the beginning of a night as stock ends badly
No, trust me. Falling down the stairs is a fucking sobering experience.
Nothing like cleaning dried puke off your floor to make you feel like you've failed as an adult.
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
I'm sorry, that really sucks. I'm in the bath eating lasagna and if anyone comes in here it's going to be bad news for them
Plus he is a pilot so I could give him flight dome
He had a small dick and screamed "I will kill you if you don't get hard" to it in German...awkward time to have to explain I speak German too...
This is why you need to stop sleeping with freshmen.
Just landed in Atlanta. Still drunk. I can't feel my face
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