Well apparently he's into motor boating.
So we made editble underwear with fruit roll ups and fruit by the foot
he made me stop in the middle of the blowjob to turn the tv towrds him. i then proceeded when he stopped me again to get him the remote. fuck me.
I think I just saw the silver monkey from legends of the hidden temple sitting out in someone's trash
GO. BACK. NOW.
Yeah like at least with a penis what you see is what you get with a vagina there can always be a surprise inside
I woke up wearing nothing but his lifeguard whistle..
I started singing the national anthem on a train in London. Happy 4th of July assholes
Can we play rock paper scissor shot again? I want to black out in 15 minutes or less...
I apologize for violently hooking up with her in front of you in the jacuzzi last night.
Get in your clown car, pick up everyone you know, and head to the park. drunk Sledding grand prix tonight. winner takes home the leftover beer
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
Ah, Christ. I just saw a D lister I made out with once on a Rock Of Love rerun. Why are you asleep right now? Some weird shit is happening.
I swear my vagina needs to be taken away from me when I drink.
Found your bra in my backseat. And yes it took me that long to finally clean it out from last weekend
Didn't even know it was missing, if that makes you feel any better
Do thigh high boots and a ball gag count as a costume?
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