i would only ever fuck harry potter if he was on a broomstick.
For your information i will be shotgunning whiskey on may 21st.
There were penises being pulled out everywhere.
He didn't dress up but kept finding random pieces of costumes on the floor at each club. He was an 80s hair band warrior at the end of the night.
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
I ordered a VEGAN pizza, because it gets here the fastest, just so I could get a 2 litre of Coke. For my whiskey.
Definitely but only if you hit on the 16 year old in the karate class as part of your waffle and gin fueled sexually deprived rage.
bringing my vibrator into the shower with me. if I don't text back in 30 minutes I have electrocuted myself and died.
May the force be with you.
I did it on acid. I can cook bacon on any condition
Just got stuck in an elevator on campus with a ton of British guys. My pants almost pulled themselves down.
I'm so high right now that I'm wearing gloves.
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
can we fuck so we can live up to our nicknames for eachother?
i woke up on the third floor, naked in a closet.
Randomize
