True or false: I did not bring home a 28 year old last night.
True? Did she teach you things?
She taught me the meaning of awkward goodbyes at 530 am.
hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
I tried douching with a turkey baster. Not the brightest idea.
You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The best thing about my promotion is that I now have an office with a door. I can take my naps in peace instead of leaning my head against the stall in the bathroom.
I can't believe they pay you six figures. I hate you.
I can't tell you details but at one point I had her pee strapped to my back in a ziploc
I've lost all respect for marriage since I joined this bachelor party.
When your boyfriends ex-girlfriend texts you to see what you're wearing to his sister's wedding that you were not invited to, nor knew about. I think it's time to call it quits.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He's the first man I've met that knows more about Harry Potter than I do. He shops at Goodwill and has a Game of Thrones cookbook in his apartment. This is my soulmate.
Spent the majority of my senior year drunk. Graduate of 2011, I think 2011. Probably.
If he doesn't fuck you on the 4th of July, he doesn't really love this country.
"I'm a professor to university students" I say as I realize I have a nipple piercing that I have no memory of getting
He KNOWS ALL THE WORDS TO "JESUS IS MY FRIEND", I swear if he even tries to pull shit with me I'm becoming an actual nun.
Vagina status: the swelling is going down.
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